There is currently a lot of black and white thinking about using rewards with children. However, like most things, we should consider the individual needs and goals of children. They don’t always have to be a negative thing.

Working with a Child’s Intrinsic Motivation Is Ideal

While the internal reward of having the satisfaction of success is the best reward and one we should encourage in our practice, sometimes external rewards may be useful. For instance, our goals for children are not always aligned with their goals, and sometimes the goals we set for them are extremely challenging for them. Many couldn’t care less if they complete their homework, for example. We often ask a lot of them, especially when they have different learning needs and some things take more effort for them than they do for other children. Giving them a little extra something for their efforts may encourage them to participate and ultimately build confidence when they see that they can be successful at things that may be challenging for them.

The Difference Between Rewards and Positive Reinforcement

How do you determine whether something is a reward or just positive reinforcement? They aren’t always mutually exclusive. First, is the child included in the process of creating the goal and reward? This may be key! As adults, we reward ourselves all of the time. We may want to skip the workout, but some people need a little extra to help them get started with exercise. Sometimes the reward is what helps us start working toward a challenging goal. Also, consider the goal you are trying to achieve. Is it simply for compliance, or is it to help a child learn a life skill? How do you know? Consider: Will they have to fundamentally change who they are in order to earn the reward? Will they have to suppress natural urges to move or “stim”? Will complying negatively affect their mental health by increasing anxiety? The reality is that compliance is expected everywhere. We may hate documentation and data tracking, but we do it because it’s required in our jobs and/or by our license. Compliance is also often expected for safety. We have to have some compliance for order in society. Don’t we all “comply” by raising our hands when we are in a group and want to speak? Don’t we follow laws?

The Problem with Rating Systems in Classrooms

I want to make sure to address whole-class strategies used in schools that rate children publicly based on their behavior. Sometimes teachers use color charts (green = good/yellow = warning/red = bad) or emojis, and children are expected to “move their clip” if they don’t have perfect behavior. The clip is usually a clothespin with their name on it. What if we had to “move our clip” because we arrived late one day? Or because we had typos on an important report? It may change your behavior, but the change would be driven by a desire to avoid negative consequences and may ramp up your anxiety at work in the process. No one wants to be publicly shamed, including children. Not to mention, the people who tend to be tardy to work are often the same ones, so the same people would always be “moving their clip.” It’s no different for children who have issues with behavior. It just creates negative feelings for them about school and about themselves.

Consider This Before Giving Rewards

Before trying out external rewards, first consider whether they even understand the expectation and whether the expectation is too large. So often the expectation is “all or nothing” for children. They have to “behave” ALL day, and they have to do ALL of their work. That is a huge expectation for so many children, especially if they have executive functioning issues, language delays, or learning issues. How can you break this down to be more manageable for them?

Sometimes the focus first needs to be on work completion and establishing habits rather than completing all assignments or all parts of assignments.

At school, would it be better for them to do 50% of their math and 50% of their writing and none of their science and social studies because they are burned out by the time they get to those subjects? Or would it be better if they worked for 10 minutes straight in each subject so they get something done for every class, then build on that once they have success in each subject? There is a lot of power in having little successes throughout the day rather than a couple of big ones and then being disappointed that they couldn’t hold it together for everything. Sometimes you have to keep the long-term goal in mind and realize that if they can’t attend or participate at all, then they will miss out on a lot of learning.

At home, should we expect them to clean their whole room once a week, or can we encourage families to work on a daily habit of just picking up their clothes and building from there once that habit is established?

When and How to Use a Reward

But if you’ve considered these things and they are still having a hard time with a skill, it may be appropriate to use an external reward system. I strongly encourage you to make this as specific as possible. Focus on one behavior or skill. Make sure they know exactly what they are working for. It should be concrete and measurable. You would be surprised how often children don’t understand the expectations we think they do. It is often helpful to have them collaborate on the skill they are learning and be in charge of monitoring and/or tracking this behavior. Consider these goals:

You also need to determine whether the reward should be given after each day or moment of success or after working on it over the course of a week. In general, the older they are, the longer they should be able to go before earning a big reward. They may earn a daily sticker, and once they earn enough stickers, they get something more substantial. For some children, the stickers may be enough, and they may not need to earn a bigger reward.

Reconsider Whether Rewards Are Based on Time

For especially challenging things, don’t make it time-dependent. Instead of expecting 4 stickers in 5 days, for instance, and then having to reset again next Monday, consider having them earn a finite number of stickers so that the whole day or week isn’t shot if they have a rough start. Once they earn 5 or 10 stickers, however long it takes, they get the bigger reward.

A Final Note

One final note on external rewards: Try to make them experiences rather than food or material items if you can. They get to choose which restaurant they eat at or pick the Saturday night family movie. They may get additional time with a trusted adult. External rewards that rely on sweet treats and material items have the potential to contribute to complicated relationships with food and money later in life.