Are You a "Safe" Person
As someone who works with children your first thought about being a safe person is probably: of course! I’m sure you’re kind, friendly, and calm most of the time when you need to be. Right?
However, being a safe person isn’t just about how nice you are to children.
Who you are outside of your interactions with children is just as important, in part because being safe for children isn’t limited to just them - family members and other professionals need to consider you safe as well.
Being a safe person means acknowledging and respecting differences, and that not everyone has the same experiences and privileges you do, particularly if you are part of a group that tends to be centered in North American culture (e.g., white, male, heterosexual, neurotypical, economically stable).
Why It’s Important That People Know You’re a Safe Person
People who are marginalized by society (hopefully you already know who that may be) don’t know who may wish them harm and who may not. And wishing harm doesn’t necessarily mean you want them to be physically injured, but something you wish for may have harm as a byproduct, such as taking away a right they have or even their feelings of safety.
For example, I recently saw social media posts from someone hoping to overturn gay marriage in some states. While some people may not see it as actively wishing for harm to people, the people who may be harmed don’t see it that way. It can cause harm because there are benefits and legal protections afforded people who are married. Though really, even suggesting you don’t see others as being equal is all it takes for people to feel unsafe. History has shown us how those seen as “less than” get treated.
As a business focused on addressing the social emotional wellness of children and teens this understanding is aligned with our mission. When we have the ability to ease some of the anxieties of others by showing we are not a threat we can do so much more to help the people we serve. Isn’t this why we became helping professionals?
Show You Are Safe
Review this list. Are there things you can stop or start doing to show you support diverse groups of people?
Examples of “Unsafe” Behaviors
- Posting hateful politics online. Anything that directly targets one group of marginalized people is most likely going to make you appear unsafe. I was motivated to write this blog after seeing a recent post on social media from a healthcare provider. She posted something specific about a particular religion that really served no purpose other than to promote negative attitudes and stereotypes. Most of the time people in positions of service don’t have a choice in who they serve in a professional capacity, but I can’t imagine someone of that religion wanting to get therapy from that person had they seen her views.
- Microaggressions. If you haven’t done the work to understand what those are and how you may be guilty, I encourage you to take classes, follow people on social media who have different perspectives, and talk to people. Microaggressions are actions and/or statements you make that clearly show you don’t understand the experiences of other groups. For example: Saying, “Everyone has a little ADHD,” calling every person who appears to be of Asian descent “Chinese”, telling people of color “I don’t see color”, and a sales person speaking only to the man when a woman and man go shopping together.
Being Good at Your Job Isn't Enough
To be the most effective children and their families should leave interactions with you feeling supported. They should be able to scroll through your social media to see that you are an ally.
How to Show You Are “Safe”
- Acknowledge and hold space for the conflicts and controversies that may come up that are related to bigotry. Don’t stay silent or minimize the authentic feelings and experiences of others.
- Use diverse images in the things you create (graphics/visual supports for the kids, website, etc.)
- Make it public. At the suggestion of a Black woman I interviewed for my book I put a statement on my private practice website that says “everyone welcome.” She also suggested having bumper stickers or magnets on your car that make it clear you are an ally.
- Acknowledge the differences in culture respectfully. Saying “I don’t see color” invalidates the experiences that people of color have.
- Continue to Learn. This takes intention. Many of us in privileged positions didn't grow up thinking of ourselves that way. The work is and should be ongoing.
Building trust is an important part of a therapeutic relationship. Showing that you care about people who may not share your religion, neurotype, skin color, etc. helps you be more effective at what you do. I hope you truly reflect on this and don’t just go make your social media locked or more private to keep your biases hidden.
As someone who is not marginalized because of my skin color, religion, gender, neurotype or sexual orientation it can be easy for me to relax in my privilege, not having to worry about how others may treat me. However, I am hopeful that people see me as safe and give me grace as I continue to learn all of the ways I can help people feel both safe and accepted. I truly hope every helping professional has this goal. I know I am still learning and try to give myself grace by remembering Maya Angelou’s words: "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” I encourage you to do the same.
