4 Tips for Building Rapport
One of the reasons I feel so lucky to do what I do for a living is that I can have fun at work. Yes, there are reports to write, lessons to plan, meetings, and other things that aren’t always fun, but play is interspersed with all of that to create some pretty great days. I love the process of building rapport with children because not only do I get to connect with them, I usually get to play while doing it!
Challenges to Building Rapport
Whether you are trying to meet productivity standards or you just feel overwhelmed, it can be hard to take the time to establish rapport with children at the pace some really need. The pressure to target goals and demonstrate progress right away can also affect how much time we spend building a relationship with them. When you’re feeling tight on time you may not take the time that some children really need to effectively connect, particularly if they have significant anxiety.
We can often rush right into placing demands on children to fit everything in when we have limited time available. But taking time to be playful helps you connect; this is especially important for children with anxiety. Some adults don’t deviate from an authoritative state and while this doesn’t limit rapport building for some children, it can for those who may have extreme anxiety, such as those who fit the Pathological Demand Avoidance profile.
Show You Are a Safe Person
Coregulating helps children feel safe and comfortable; you being calm helps them be calm. Did you know that an anxious child or someone with a trauma history may view a neutral face as a threat? People who work with children are usually pretty good about showing big smiles and using a calm voice. However, if you are having a rough day and meeting a child for the first time, it may be especially important to give yourself a reset so you can be ready to smile when you meet them and establish rapport more easily.
If Rapport is a Challenge, What Can Help?
- 1. Play (of course!) Bring out a toy YOU love. I must admit that there are toys I’ve bought as much for myself as for the kids! Share it with them and play together.
- 2. When I was seeing more children in private practice I would send a video to introduce myself. It was brief and took very little time out of my day to make. I had a large stuffed bear who joined me in the videos and I asked children to bring a favorite toy for their first time at the clinic. Some of the younger kids apparently watched the video over and over again. I cringed a little when parents would tell me that, but since it really helped I had to be okay with that.
- 3. Make fun of yourself. “I can’t believe I did that!” I laugh at myself a LOT. Maybe I throw a foam ball that ends up hitting the ceiling by “accident” or accidentally make the tail on the dog I drew look like an elephant trunk. My “mistakes” help them realize I’m human and I don’t make a big deal about little things.
- 4. Make light of the things they do that are unexpected, or at the very least don’t make a big deal out of it. While we don’t want to ignore big behaviors, you can show that you are a safe person by staying calm and not having a big reaction. For example, I worked with a preschool child who was really struggling to follow expectations. He started breaking crayons while staring right at me. He clearly believed that he shouldn’t break crayons. Little did he know that as an OT I love broken crayons because they can be helpful for some children with fine motor delays. I thanked him for starting that chore for me, told him we could do more later, and on we went with my plan for the session.
Connection is the most powerful tool you have when working with children. We may need to resist some external pressures to help us meet children where they are at and give them more time to feel comfortable.
