The Worry Buddy: An Anxiety Strategy

If you read my book (second edition coming in 2026!) you would have learned about the “Worry Bully.” This is a strategy some therapists use to help children talk back to the voice of worry in their head, and I learned it from a licensed clinical social worker. I have used this strategy and have had some success with it. 

The Purpose Behind the Strategy

Being able to externalize the worried thoughts by placing the “blame” on this character can be very helpful for many children and can help reduce feelings of shame when they know their thoughts are not rational. 

Since I wrote my book I have changed how I approach this, however. Instead of seeing this voice in our head as a “bully” I now call it a “buddy.”

Why did I make this change?

A More Compassionate Approach

First, I find this to be a more self-compassionate approach. While both the “bully” and “buddy” approaches help externalize the anxious feelings, it’s a character that lives within us and it’s not very comforting to think of a natural reaction that we cannot fully eliminate as a “bully.” 

In addition, I think it makes more sense when you consider our neurological responses to anxiety. An anxiety response is normal and no one is completely free from worry. We wouldn’t want to be; it protects us and we should see it as a friend. Instead of trying to extinguish a “bully”, we can see this protective mechanism as something that needs support instead of elimination.

How to Introduce a Worry Buddy 

You can explain that the Worry Buddy is a part of our brain that everyone has. This part helps keep us safe from things that are dangerous. It's an important part of us.

But, the Worry Buddy can also take its job too seriously and may work too hard. It will find dangers where there aren’t any. So, we need to teach it to learn when there is a actually danger and when there is not. 

After you explain it, have the child draw what their Worry Buddy looks like. 

Below you can download a one page sheet that gives a space for children to draw their Worry Buddy. It includes a short description of who the Worry Buddy is. I would also have them give their Worry Buddy a name. I usually draw mine too because I think it helps reinforce that this is something everyone has.

How to Implement the Worry Buddy Strategy

When you are working on this with children and they have anxious thoughts you can explore strategies to calm the Worry Buddy. 

You can talk silly to the Worry Buddy (“you are working too hard again!”) and/or have the child do that. Before trying something challenging this can be especially helpful if the child is regulated enough (i.e., not in fight, flight, or freeze mode). 

Try this approach and see what you think. 

DOWNLOAD HERE