Teaching Perspective Taking

Being able to understand the perspective of other people is necessary to have healthy personal and work relationships. This understanding helps you extend grace to people and be more compassionate. These are important traits in making you happier and the world a more peaceful place. This is why it is important to teach this skill to children.

When Lack of Perspective Taking is a Problem

A child may have feelings of distress and more difficulty getting their needs met when perspective taking is a problem. For example, a child who is sensitive to sound may be especially bothered by another child in the class who tends to hum while they work. The child who hums does it automatically to meet their own sensory needs, but the child sensitive to sound may think they do it intentionally to bother them. This may result in a big reaction from the child with sensitive hearing, causing both big feelings and a social conflict. When they understand that everyone’s need for sound is different they can more easily learn how to manage their feelings and reactions. 

Teach Children Why it is Important

I always like to explain the reason behind what I work on with children, no matter what it is. It is important for children to know what perspective taking is and why it is important. Help them understand that problems can be avoided and solved by learning that other people think differently than they do. As part of this lesson I think it’s helpful to reinforce the idea of giving people the benefit of the doubt and always assuming the best before you assume the worst (though once people learn to take the perspective of others this tends to come more naturally). 

A Strategy for Teaching Perspective Taking

With your classroom, therapy group, or even in your own family, you can use The Stress Detective Clue Cards to teach this skill to children and teens. 

Emphasize the Importance of Respecting Differences

First, explain the importance of respecting differences. Tell children, “You may learn that someone has a problem with something you find easy to handle. How should you react in that situation?” This is a good time to tell them both what to say and what not to say to consider others’ feelings. Make sure they know not to say things like, “but that’s easy!”  Instead you can encourage empathetic statements like, “I’m sorry that’s hard for you” or “I see that’s a big deal for you.”

Discuss the importance of sharing strengths. You can say to children, “If it’s easy for you, maybe you can help them. You can ask them, ‘What would help you when you have to try to handle [the thing that is difficult]? Encouragement? Ideas? Something else?’”

Use the Clue Cards

Exactly how you do this will vary depending on how and where you implement this. You may decide to use one card or a few per day, or many in one session. 

First, lay out the boards. Each board has a rating:

Next, choose a card. First the adult rates it then each child rates it. (You have 140 cards to choose from, so you can do this over time, or choose a few cards each session)

After several sessions children may start to guess how others may rate it. If there aren’t others around, you can have them guess how someone not present may rate something. 

For example, if working through this with your family you may ask, “How do you think grandma would rate this one?” (Ideally you should choose someone who can confirm or deny the rating predicted and follow up with them for their response.)

Reflect on What They Learn

Did everyone feel that what was on the card was the same size problem or were there different answers? Encourage children to explain why they rated it as they did. (“Why” can be difficult for some children to answer, so saying, “Tell me more about that” can often give you a response with a reason). 

What did they learn about the similarities and differences between people in the group or family? 

If you are working with a group of children you can use this as an opportunity to see if they can use their strengths to support difficult areas for each other. Do they have suggestions to make things easier? 

Also, when something is a challenge remember to use language that encourages a growth mindset “Sally hasn’t learned to handle that yet, but she will.” 

Perspective taking is not something that is easy to learn quickly, but there are ways to teach it. When children learn this skill, they’re better able to manage big feelings, respond with empathy, and navigate social challenges. Over time, these small moments of reflection add up to fewer misunderstandings and stronger relationships. By intentionally teaching perspective-taking through discussion, modeling, and tools like the Stress Detective Clue Cards, we give children language and insight they can carry into the classroom, friendships, and family life. It’s a skill that supports emotional growth now and lays the foundation for compassion and problem-solving well into adulthood.