How We Can Help Children Cope
We all have things that we do to help us feel better after a bad day or rough moment. Unfortunately, for many of us they aren’t healthy choices. For example, we may overeat, we may "doomscroll" on social media, or we may choose to have alcohol or other substances that alter our mood. Many people weren’t given tools, choices, or strategies to learn how to feel better when uncomfortable when they were children. In fact, many people often just had to “suck it up” and move on after an upsetting event. As a result, many adults have only learned how to deal with problems and uncomfortable emotions by numbing their discomfort with the use of external substances and devices. For some people this can lead to problems with addiction.
What if we could change that for children?
What if we can help children learn healthy options to feel better so they have these tools early on?
When children are upset, our first response should be to offer co-regulation and empathy. Co-regulation involves using our own sense of calm to help guide a child’s emotional state. By staying grounded ourselves, we give them a model to mirror that calmness. Approaching them with empathy—recognizing that they are struggling, not simply being difficult—can greatly influence how we connect with and support them.
But often they need something before the meltdown, or just after it, that can help them feel better. It may be playing with a favorite toy, a hug, talking, etc.
Try this free resource
We have a wonderful resource for you with some general “feel better” strategies that can be used almost anywhere. We think this should be in every classroom! If a child is upset and there is not a clear solution to their problem (e.g., they are upset because they lost a game, they didn’t get a cookie before they were all gone, or another child was unkind to them), then this resource can be really helpful.
One of our missions at The Stress Detective is to empower children to find things that work for them. We are working on a product to help children learn healthy ways to feel better when they are upset. While we work on that, you can use to start this process.
What to expect: It’s a one-page handout that has pictures of different options you can offer a child to help them feel better.
How to use it: When a child is having difficulty, they can’t access language as easily, so they have pictures to help them communicate what they need. This is not to be used in an active meltdown, but once a child is calm (or before a meltdown occurs) to help them feel better.
With this they learn:
- You are a supportive, trustworthy person for them
- They can have some control when they feel out of control because they are given choices
- That there are healthy things that can help them feel better