Are Self Control and Self-Regulation the Same Thing?
Years ago for simplicity's sake I used to explain that self regulation means the same thing as self-control, but they aren’t the same. Those of us who are occupational therapists understand that, but if you aren’t an OT you may find this helpful.
Self-regulation is a neurological process to get to the “just right” state, to feel even, to have homeostasis. It is the ability to manage one’s emotional and physiological state to match the situation and environment in whatever way is needed to function, or participate in an activity.
Self-control is a cognitive process. It requires executive functioning skills. It’s basically the same as willpower. Self-control can improve with work, but it’s going to be MUCH harder if your nervous system is not regulated.
You must have self-regulation to have self-control.
If you are tired, emotional, or otherwise unbalanced in your alertness and mood, then you are going to have an even larger challenge using your willpower.
Yet, we ask children who are dysregulated to use self-control all of the time, especially in schools. Most of the time when a dysregulated child is using self-control it is because there are external rewards or they fear the consequences if they are not in control. When a dysregulated child uses self-control there is typically a cost to their well-being. They either devote all of their attention and energy to their willpower, in which case they aren’t likely to process what is being taught, or they develop anxiety because they can’t reasonably meet these expectations. Sometimes it’s both.
As an occupational therapist I find it frustrating to be asked to provide self-regulation strategies for children in these situations because it’s so often the expectations, or the environment, and not the child, that is causing them to have difficulty.
So, instead of charts and external rewards* we can explore strategies that support the nervous system. There are so many! Occupational therapists are a great resource for this. There are a lot of mainstream tools sensory-based available now, but consulting with an occupational therapist is best. (Here’s an example to understand why: there is a mainstream belief that movement opportunities are like gold for dysregulated children; however, movement can be dysregulating for some of them! Add a classroom full of other children doing that same movement activity and you may have even more dysregulation.)
*For the record, I am not 100% against reward charts, I just think they need to be used sparingly and not for self-control at the expense of self-regulation. Look for a blog post on that soon!